


Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

by mrs_pennylane



Category: Project Blue Book (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 22:59:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18108254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrs_pennylane/pseuds/mrs_pennylane
Summary: Michael loves Allen but he had enough of Allen's incapacity for showing his true feelings and that leads them somewhere they don't want to be.Spoilers for episode 1x10!(In the future this fanfiction will be added to The Gay Adventures of Allen Hynek and Michael Quinn but for now, so I don't mess up with the chronology, this will be a stand-alone story)





	Nothing Breaks Like A Heart

_“_ _This_ _world can hurt you_

_It cuts you deep and leaves a scar_

_Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart_

_And nothing breaks like a heart"_

 

.

 

Michael removed his helmet and felt the wind blowing as the sun started to set. He then removed his aviator glasses and tried to fix his hair but the wind made it impossible. What the _fuck_ had just happened up there? Did he really see an UFO and engaged in combat against it? He felt his veins pulsing wildly, the images of what he saw coming to his mind, the bright lights flying in his direction as if it was effectively trying to take him down, just like happened to Fuller. Now Michael was starting to understand everything, what everyone they had interviewed on Project Blue Book saw and he knew that they weren’t insane - he had seen an UFO himself! There was no way that was a natural phenomenon.

He walked towards the base to find Allen waiting for him, his hat in hand. “Wh-what did you see, captain?”

Michael cringed. Not only had Allen called him “captain” (and he knew the nickname was only used when there were people around them, still...) but he had completely ignored that Michael’s life was in risk up there, fighting those UFOs Allen clearly was more interested in. He ignored the man and kept walking, entering the base.

“Captain?” He heard Allen’s unsettled voice but chose to ignore it. Damn that man, Michael didn’t deserve to be treated this way, like he didn’t mean a thing to Allen. First, the lies - Michael did understand Allen’s motives but it didn’t erase the fact that Allen lied to him _more than once_ -, then the secrets and now the indifference. Where had Michael got his gay ass into? He thought the feelings were mutual, the way Allen cared for him and loved him but that seemed like ages ago. Ever since Allen started diving more and more into Project Blue Book, he hadn’t been the same man. Then enter Fuller’s death and that strange dude with the black hat, Allen seemed only a shadow of his former self.

Michael kept walking, his face hard from disgust and apprehension because of everything that was happening on this godforsaken day. He knew he had to give a statement about what he saw but right now, he only wanted to go back to his hotel, get some sleep and on the next day, try to understand what was going on.

“Michael.” His first name being called was what caught his attention. Allen was standing so close that Michael could feel the heat from his body.

“What is it?” Allen asked, his voice ever so soft.

“We’ll talk about it at the hotel, ok?” Michael answered and turned around to walk away.

“Ok.” Allen answered while Michael left him behind. This was going to be a stressful night for a stressful day and Michael wasn’t looking forward to confronting Allen, even though he needed to. He didn’t want to finally hear that Allen’s feelings were not as intense as Michael’s feelings were, that Allen was basically married to his work and Michael was just part of it, a expendable part. Michael blinked, the tears threatening to run down his face and he had to stop for a moment, and just _breathe_.

“I am ok, I am fine.” He whispered to himself, trying to maybe convince his mind not to break down now. He walked to where the generals were, saluting them as soon as he entered the room. The testimony was tiring and he had to repeat himself a hundred times while Harding and Valentine observed him, evaluating each and every word that came out of his mouth. Michael thought about lying but he couldn’t, not after what he saw in the sky. He was careful not to say it was an UFO but he made it clear that it was something he had never seen before.

When he was finished with his testimony, his head was aching. He searched for Allen but was informed that he had already headed to the hotel. _Perfect, I hope he is already sleeping._ Michael took the first cab that came and almost blanked out from tiredness, rubbing his temples as the lights from the main entrance of the hotel illuminated his face.

Michael walked into his room to find Allen sat down on the bed, writing things in his notebook. Allen looked up at him when Michael closed the door, the warm atmosphere embracing him. Allen sighed, his eyes questioning what Michael didn’t want to talk but needed very much to. Michael just didn’t know how he was going to start that conversation, maybe with “I love you but I want to punch you for caring more about aliens”? Or “Weren’t you worried when I went up there to fly??”. Michael sighed as well and started taking off his uniform, first the shoes, then the socks, moving to his well-ironed pants.

“Are you angry with me?” Allen asked, his voice sounding so small. Michael raised his head and they both stared at each other.

“Angry?” Michael started, his face getting hot. “Well, why would I be? Have you given me any reason?”

Allen didn’t answer, looking slightly confused. Michael really, _really_ wanted to punch the man. He started gesticulating, the way Allen does when he is searching for his words and Michael raised his eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. None came.

“Well, then?” Michael asked.

“I don’t know what is happening.” Allen whispered and Michael snapped.

“You don’t fucking know? I’ll fucking tell you.” Michael stood in front of Allen, who had to stand up as well in order to be at Michael’s eye level. “Today I went up there and literally was attacked by those things. I shot them, they wouldn’t slow down or stop coming at our way! I was confused, trying to do what I was told to do and when I landed, the first thing you ask me is ‘What did you see?’ Not even a hello, a ‘Hey Michael, are you ok?’, nothing!!”

“I couldn’t-” Allen started but he was cut off by Michael.

“Couldn’t what? Ask if I was ok? Are you so afraid that people will find out we are in a relationship so you just don’t show any type of affection? Or do you care more about your research than my safety?”

Michael noticed that his voice had raised and that people from other rooms could probably hear them. To hell with them, frankly! Michael was done hiding himself, he was done of having half relationships and half emotions, half commitments. Allen had lowered down his eyes, his face a picture of shame. Good, Michael wanted to inflict some pain there.

“Huh? Aren’t you going to answer me? Or are you just going to lie like you’ve been doing for the last few months? Like you did _last night_?”

At this, Allen raised his gaze and crunched his face in disapprovement. He nodded once, then nodded twice, licking his lips nervously.

“That’s not true, Michael.”

“What is not true?” He raised his voice again.

“I am not afraid of anything and I _don’t_ care more about my research than your safety! For fuck’s sake, to even suggest that…” Allen trailed off, catching his breath.

“Don’t play the victim, Allen.”

“I am not!”

“You are!” Michael chuckled, bitter. “I knew this would happen. You are just too oblivious about everything, right? But guess what, I have feelings!”

He turned around to leave the room but he was held back by Allen’s desperate grip on his arm. “Michael, please.”

“What is it?” Michael barked.

“I-I-I am not the monster you are painting. I just- Feelings are just something I don’t know how to deal.”

“You were married.”

“I was.”

“And you wouldn’t have been if you didn’t know how to deal with your feelings.” Michael reasoned, still being held by Allen.

“ _Come on_ , Michael! You know that’s not how things work.”

“Oh yeah? Enlighten me!” Michael pulled his arm free and turned to face Allen.

“The feelings were never the same. I loved Mimi but what I feel for you is debilitating, Michael, and I just don’t know how to do this.”

“So you push me away because of that?”

“Yes, sort of. At the base, I was worried sick about you and before you left, I felt my chest burning from the idea of you going up there but if I looked at you, if I said I was worried… I wouldn’t let you go! I would lock you up in some room and convince you to not do something insane like that.”

“And yet, you let me go.”

“I knew I had to, we are in this together.”

Michael snorted, nodding his head in disbelief. Together? They weren’t in this together. This was only Allen obsessively trying to find the truth and ignoring everyone around him, specially Michael. “Don’t lie to me, Allen.”

“I am not lying! Please, Michael! I love you and _I care_!” Allen tried to argue, once again grabbing Michael’s arm. “I just don’t know how to deal with strong feelings, they overwhelm me, they frighten me.”

“You what I think?” Michael asked, the tears running down his face. His voice was strained and weak and Michael just wanted to _leave_ this room for good. “I think I’m just a pretty face you enjoy having, someone who comes along with your precious job and gives you pleasure as well.”

“ _Michael_.” There was a warning tone in Allen’s voice but Michael didn’t care.

“I think that ‘I don’t know how to deal with feelings’ is just bullshit.” Michael got rid of Allen’s grip, that was very weak by now as if he was giving up on him. “I am going to book another room for me. You stay, leave, do whatever you want.”

Michael noticed now that this whole discussion was made with him in his underwear and he stifled a bitter laugh, reaching for his pants, socks and shoes. In a minute, he was ready and he grabbed his bag to leave the room. The last thing he saw before he closed the door was Allen’s hurt face, tears silently streaming down his face and blurring his glasses. Michael wanted to go back but he was doing this for himself. He was done with people hurting his feelings like they were nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna have a chat, leave suggestions, ask for prompts or simply leave a message, I have a [tumblr!](http://mrs-pennylane.tumblr.com/)


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